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be helpful be happy find your why happiness hope purpose self help

How to be Happy in 2020

Helpful

People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care. The first thing about being happy is really, being helpful.

Let me share with you the MOP framework on being helpful:

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment.

Mindfulness is about being non-judgmental.

Living in our fast paced fast food world, we tend to lose focus on being in the present. We love to cast our judgment  and criticize.

The first step to being helpful is to be mindful.

If we cannot be mindful, there is no way we can even think about helping others.

Others

Focus on others over self.

It is natural to think about ourselves. We are born that way, through the fight or flight instinct.

However, if we first focus on others, of seeing to give or add value, we realize that which ever station of life’s stage we are at, there is always someone that we can help.

Have you ever encountered “salesy” people? Those who are only interested in making a sale and not at all in you?

How do you feel?

If you are in the sales line, remember this: Always seek to build a rapport and add value first, before asking for a sale.

Positive Influence.

There is just too much negative news nowadays.

Violence, dispute, corruption and death…

If each and everyone of us can be deliberate in being a positive influence, we can really be helpful!

The reason why I don’t post negative things is not that I do not have my complaints (our national hobby!) or challenges , but that I want to create a positive experience.

Even when I share about my challenges, I will always end off on a positive note. It is not about what we are going through, but where we are going to.


Abundance.

The GIVE framework to cultivating an abundant mindset.

Giving

Make giving a lifestyle.

If you do not have the habit of giving, you can start small.

Give of your time, energy or finances to help a good cause.

It can be as simple as giving thanks and showing appreciation to people.

Imagine abundance!

We have to be aware of the “scarcity mindset”.

The scarcity mindset tells us that resources are finite, and if we give to people, we will put ourselves at a disadvantage. The scarcity mindset is actually a very dis-empowering belief that holds many people back from pursuing their goals and dreams. This is because instead of focusing on possibilities, they are focusing on what they do not have at the moment. Instead of asking,”What are my options?”, they say, “I am not ________ ” or “I cannot __________”.

This is absolutely not true!

God created abundance in this world, we just need to learn how to be resourceful.

Value adding

See to always add value to others, before taking.

We are born to take resources from others as a young, defenseless baby.

However, as we grow up and mature, we can then start to add value to others before taking.

This leads to the last point.

Everybody wins!

Always seek to create win-win situations, or even win-win-win situations.

Gaining an advantage doesn’t mean that somebody else has to lose something.

It is not a zero sum game.

In the 1976 Special Olympics in Seattle, Washington, one of the child fell down at the start of the race. He began to cry bitterly. Two of his fellow competitors, upon hearing his cries, stopped, turned around and helped him up. To loud applause, the trio finished the race together.

Passion

According to the “ikigai” definition, passion is what you love and what you are good at.

Your ikigai

If you can’t imagine not doing something, it’s a passion. It doesn’t have to be a moneymaker. Make your money some way that will give you the time for what you really love to do.

Finding your passion could be easier than you think. By answering these questions honestly, you could work out what to do with the rest of your life.

3 guiding questions to ask ourselves:

“What subject could I read 500 books about without getting bored?”

“What could I do for five years straight without getting paid?”

“What would I spend my time doing if I had complete financial abundance to do anything?”

Spend 20 minutes each day thinking about the things that have interested you recently, or any opportunities that you have spotted.

Imagine yourself waking up early, jumping out of bed in enthusiasm the moment you open your eyes!

Imagine yourself pumped up and ready to make a positive impact on someone else’s life in your area of expertise!

That is your passion.

Purpose

Purpose is about your “why”. (Read Simon Sinek’s book, “Start with Why”)

It is about why you exist, and what you are created for.

Many people are not clear about why they do what they do. As a result, many people will just “cruise” through life, living up to the expectations of others and never really discovering their true calling and fulfill their true potential.

There is an exercise that I like to do on a regular basis. It is called the “re calibration“.

While goal setting at the beginning of the year is good (SMART goals come to mind), it is important to constantly re calibrate and make sure that we are staying on the right track.

Take a blank piece of paper, and write down what we believe about ourselves.

For example, “I believe that I can overcome the fear of heights.”

“I believe that I can be more caring and kind.”

So on and so forth…

Examine the beliefs that we have written, and take note of any dis empowering beliefs that we hold on to, for example, “I believe that I cannot be promoted this year.”

Rephrase it, and make it positive and empowering.

Pin this paper where you can see it everyday, to remind yourself that you have a clear purpose in your life.

You.

Your identity. Yourself. Your esteem.

At the core of happiness, is a ready acceptance of yourself.

Accept who you are, and work towards a better version of yourself.

There are 2 groups of people that you need to learn how to forgive:

1. Yourself

2. People who have hurt you.

Many people cannot forgive themselves for having made mistakes in the past, that resulted in consequences that they have to bear even today.

Know this: each and everyone of us is uniquely created, and treasured by our Creator. Each and everyone of us is precious in God’s sight, no matter which God you worship.

If you have learnt to forgive yourself, the next step is to forgive people who have hurt you.

This may not be an easy process, and you may need to seek help for this. It will also take time, but that’s OK. Reach out to someone if you need help, and give yourself time to forgive.

Forgiveness definitely helps tremendously with our mental well-being. 

Un-forgiveness is like carrying a baggage from the past around. It is smelly, heavy and prevents you from chasing your goals in the future.

If you need some clarity, feel free to text me. 

Ask Yuantai

Categories
mission purpose self help time management twenties

What are some of the lessons one should definitely learn in their late teens/twenties?

I have encountered this question in various forms, so here are my thoughts on it:
1) Money management
Learning how to manage your finances is one of the most important things that we should learn.
In my opinion, our financial education should start as soon as we learn basic arithmetic!
The younger we start, the more time we will have to make mistakes.
The one thing that I am thankful to my parents is that they taught me how to be thrifty.
My dad was a marine engineer, and my mum has been a home maker since my brother and I were in primary school.
We often lived below our means, and that meant that my parents became financially free when my dad retired.
Most people nowadays prefer to live on debt, and today’s “consumer” economy encourages taking on debt.
However, one of the most important lessons that my parents taught me were to live simply and live humbly.
We still traveled overseas every year.
Spending time with loved ones is so important, which leads me to the second point.

2) Priorities
Getting your priorities right is important for growth.
While we were younger, we tend to have more time and energy.
Hence, it is important that you invest the time and energy wisely, in the right things.
Another area which I felt that I would have done better would be in terms of getting my priorities absolutely right.
My priorities are: God, family, job, ministry and all others.
There was a period of time when I was not sure what I wanted to do, after failing to get into medicine.
You see, it was my dream to get into medicine in university.
During that period of time, I was serving the nation in army, when I was called up to serve the nation for 2 years. (All Singaporean males have to serve the army for 2 years)
Hence, I was under prepared for the interview, and flunked the interview.
That was also a period of time when I was searching for a purpose, and I felt that life can’t be just about getting a good grade, getting married and settling down.
This leads me to my next point!

3) Purpose (Your “why”)
Why do you do what you do?
When you are in your twenties, you may or may not have figured out your purpose in life.
If you have already figured out what is your purpose, congratulations!
I didn’t figure out my purpose until I was in my thirties, when I got out of employment to start on my own entrepreneurship journey.
Now, my purpose is to help people discover their purpose!
#behelpfulbehappy
This is why I founded the Happy Man Club!
The Happy Man Club is a community of people happily helping one another, and it is a growing online/offline community.

4) Mastery
Once you have figured out your purpose, it is important to spend enough time to gain mastery of the skills that are needed to help you fulfill your life mission.
It will also be really helpful if you can identify someone more experienced to mentor or coach you along the way, as it will help you to shorten your learning curve and identify the blind spots that you have.
It is important that you remain disciplined and spend your 10,000 hours to hone your skills.
It is easy to let time slip away, but if we are not careful, we will find that we have reached the end of our twenties, and youth is no longer on our side.

Do you agree with the above?
What do you find helpful/not helpful?