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All those Ferraris can’t buy me happiness

As an ex health care professional, the late Dr Richard Teo’s story deeply resonated with me. I was brought up with the mindset that success in life is defined by professional achievements, income and recognition. But there is more to success, and happiness, beyond money and fame.

Please take 14 minutes of your time to read Dr Teo’s story.

Below is the transcript of the talk of Dr. Richard Teo, who is a 40-year-old millionaire and cosmetic surgeon with a stage-4 lung cancer but selflessly came to share with some medical students his life experience on 19-Jan-2012.

Dr Richard Teo testimony

Hi good morning to all of you. My voice is a bit hoarse, so please bear with me. I thought I’ll just introduce myself. My name is Richard, I’m a medical doctor. And I thought I’ll just share some thoughts of my life. It’s my pleasure to be invited by prof. Hopefully, it can get you thinking about how… as you pursue this.. embarking on your training to become dental surgeons, to think about other things as well.

Since young, I am a typical product of today’s society. Relatively successful product that society requires.. From young, I came from a below average family. I was told by the media… and people around me that happiness is about success. And that success is about being wealthy. With this mind-set, I’ve always be extremely competitive, since I was young.

Not only do I need to go to the top school, I need to have success in all fields. Uniform groups, track, everything. I needed to get trophies, needed to be successful, I needed to have colours award, national colours award, everything. So I was highly competitive since young. I went on to medical school, graduated as a doctor. Some of you may know that within the medical faculty, ophthalmology is one of the most highly sought after specialities. So I went after that as well. I was given a traineeship in ophthalmology, I was also given a research scholarship by NUS to develop lasers to treat the eye.

So in the process, I was given 2 patents, one for the medical devices, and another for the lasers. And you know what, all this academic achievements did not bring me any wealth. So once I completed my bond with MOH, I decided that this is taking too long, the training in eye surgery is just taking too long. And there’s lots of money to be made in the private sector. If you’re aware, in the last few years, there is this rise in aesthetic medicine. Tons of money to be made there. So I decided, well, enough of staying in institution, it’s time to leave. So I quit my training halfway and I went on to set up my aesthetic clinic… in town, together with a day surgery centre.

You know the irony is that people do not make heroes out average GP (general practitioner), family physicians. They don’t. They make heroes out of people who are rich and famous. People who are not happy to pay $20 to see a GP, the same person have no qualms paying ten thousand dollars for a liposuction, 15 thousand dollars for a breast augmentation, and so on and so forth. So it’s a no brainer isn’t? Why do you want to be a gp? Become an aesthetic physician. So instead of healing the sick and ill, I decided that I’ll become a glorified beautician. So, business was good, very good. It started off with waiting of one week, then became 3weeks, then one month, then 2 months, then 3 months. I was overwhelmed; there were just too many patients. Vanities are fantastic business. I employed one doctor, the second doctor, the 3rd doctor, the 4th doctor. And within the 1st year, we’re already raking in millions. Just the 1st year. But never is enough because I was so obsessed with it. I started to expand into Indonesia to get all the rich Indonesian tai-tais who wouldn’t blink an eye to have a procedure done. So life was really good.

So what do I do with the spare cash. How do I spend my weekends? Typically, I’ll have car club gatherings. I take out my track car, with spare cash I got myself a track car. We have car club gatherings. We’ll go up to Sepang in Malaysia. We’ll go for car racing. And it was my life. With other spare cash, what do i do? I get myself a Ferrari. At that time, the 458 wasn’t out, it’s just a spider convertible, 430. This is a friend of mine, a schoolmate who is a forex trader, a banker. So he got a red one, he was wanting all along a red one, I was getting the silver one.

So what do I do after getting a car? It’s time to buy a house, to build our own bungalows. So we go around looking for a land to build our own bungalows, we went around hunting. So how do i live my life? Well, we all think we have to mix around with the rich and famous. This is one of the Miss Universe. So we hang around with the beautiful, rich and famous. This by the way is an internet founder. So this is how we spend our lives, with dining and all the restaurants and Michelin Chefs you know.

So I reach a point in life that I got everything for my life. I was at the pinnacle of my career and all. That’s me one year ago in the gym and I thought I was like, having everything under control and reaching the pinnacle.

Well, I was wrong. I didn’t have everything under control. About last year March, I started to develop backache in the middle of nowhere. I thought maybe it was all the heavy squats I was doing. So I went to SGH, saw my classmate to do an MRI, to make sure it’s not a slipped disc or anything. And that evening, he called me up and said that we found bone marrow replacement in your spine. I said, sorry what does that mean? I mean I know what it means, but I couldn’t accept that. I was like “Are you serious?” I was still running around going to the gym you know. But we had more scans the next day, PET scans – positrons emission scans, they found that actually I have stage 4 terminal lung cancer. I was like “Whoa where did that come from?” It has already spread to the brain, the spine, the liver and the adrenals. And you know one moment I was there, totally thinking that I have everything under control, thinking that I’ve reached the pinnacle of my life. But the next moment, I have just lost it.

This is a CT scan of the lungs itself. If you look at it, every single dot there is a tumour. We call this miliaries tumour. And in fact, I have tens of thousands of them in the lungs. So, I was told that even with chemotherapy, that I’ll have about 3-4months at most. Did my life come crushing on, of course it did, who wouldn’t? I went into depression, of course, severe depression and I thought I had everything.

See the irony is that all these things that I have, the success, the trophies, my cars, my house and all. I thought that brought me happiness. But i was feeling really down, having severe depression. Having all these thoughts of my possessions, they brought me no joy. The thought of… You know, I can hug my Ferrari to sleep, no… No, it is not going to happen. It brought not a single comfort during my last ten months. And I thought they were, but they were not true happiness. But it wasn’t. What really brought me joy in the last ten months was interaction with people, my loved ones, friends, people who genuinely care about me, they laugh and cry with me, and they are able to identify the pain and suffering I was going through. That brought joy to me, happiness. None of the things I have, all the possessions, and I thought those were supposed to bring me happiness. But it didn’t, because if it did, I would have felt happy think about it, when I was feeling most down..

You know the classical Chinese New Year that is coming up. In the past, what do I do? Well, I will usually drive my flashy car to do my rounds, visit my relatives, to show it off to my friends. And I thought that was joy, you know. I thought that was really joy. But do you really think that my relatives and friends, whom some of them have difficulty trying to make ends meet, that will truly share the joy with me? Seeing me driving my flashy car and showing off to them? No, no way. They won’t be sharing joy with me. They were having problems trying to make ends meet, taking public transport. In fact i think, what I have done is more like you know, making them envious, jealous of all I have. In fact, sometimes even hatred.

Those are what we call objects of envy. I have them, I show them off to them and I feel it can fill my own pride and ego. That didn’t bring any joy to these people, to my friends and relatives, and I thought they were real joy.

Well, let me just share another story with you. You know when I was about your age, I stayed in king Edward VII hall. I had this friend whom I thought was strange. Her name is Jennifer, we’re still good friends. And as I walk along the path, she would, if she sees a snail, she would actually pick up the snail and put it along the grass patch. I was like why do you need to do that? Why dirty your hands? It’s just a snail. The truth is she could feel for the snail. The thought of being crushed to death is real to her, but to me it’s just a snail. If you can’t get out of the pathway of humans then you deserve to be crushed, it’s part of evolution isn’t it? What an irony isn’t it?

There I was being trained as a doctor, to be compassionate, to be able to empathise; but I couldn’t. As a house officer, I graduated from medical school, posted to the oncology department at NUH. And, every day, every other day I witness death in the cancer department. When I see how they suffered, I see all the pain they went through. I see all the morphine they have to press every few minutes just to relieve their pain. I see them struggling with their oxygen breathing their last breath and all. But it was just a job. When I went to clinic every day, to the wards every day, take blood, give the medication but was the patient real to me? They weren’t real to me. It was just a job, I do it, I get out of the ward, I can’t wait to get home, I do my own stuff.

Was the pain, was the suffering the patients went through real? No. Of course I know all the medical terms to describe how they feel, all the suffering they went through. But in truth, I did not know how they feel, not until I became a patient. It is until now; I truly understand how they feel. And, if you ask me, would I have been a very different doctor if I were to re-live my life now, I can tell you yes I will. Because I truly understand how the patients feel now. And sometimes, you have to learn it the hard way.

Even as you start just your first year, and you embark this journey to become dental surgeons, let me just challenge you on two fronts.

Inevitably, all of you here will start to go into private practice. You will start to accumulate wealth. I can guarantee you. Just doing an implant can bring you thousands of dollars, it’s fantastic money. And actually there is nothing wrong with being successful, with being rich or wealthy, absolutely nothing wrong. The only trouble is that a lot of us like myself couldn’t handle it.

Why do I say that? Because when I start to accumulate, the more I have, the more I want. The more I wanted, the more obsessed I became. Like what I showed you earlier on, all I can was basically to get more possessions, to reach the pinnacle of what society did to us, of what society wants us to be. I became so obsessed that nothing else really mattered to me. Patients were just a source of income, and I tried to squeeze every single cent out of these patients.

A lot of times we forget, whom we are supposed to be serving. We become so lost that we serve nobody else but just ourselves. That was what happened to me. Whether it is in the medical, the dental fraternity, I can tell you, right now in the private practice, sometimes we just advise patients on treatment that is not indicated. Grey areas. And even though it is not necessary, we kind of advocate it. Even at this point, I know who are my friends and who genuinely cared for me and who are the ones who try to make money out of me by selling me “hope”. We kind of lose our moral compass along the way. Because we just want to make money.

Worse, I can tell you, over the last few years, we bad mouth our fellow colleagues, our fellow competitors in the industry. We have no qualms about it. So if we can put them down to give ourselves an advantage, we do it. And that’s what happening right now, medical, dental everywhere. My challenge to you is not to lose that moral compass. I learnt it the hard way, I hope you don’t ever have to do it.

Secondly, a lot of us will start to get numb to our patients as we start to practise. Whether is it government hospitals, private practice, I can tell you when I was in the hospital, with stacks of patient folders, I can’t wait to get rid of those folders as soon as possible; I can’t wait to get patients out of my consultation room as soon as possible because there is just so many, and that’s a reality. Because it becomes a job, a very routine job. And this is just part of it. Do I truly know how the patient feels back then? No, I don’t. The fears and anxiety and all, do I truly understand what they are going through? I don’t, not until when this happens to me and I think that is one of the biggest flaws in our system.

We’re being trained to be healthcare providers, professional, and all and yet we don’t know how exactly they feel. I’m not asking you to get involved emotionally, I don’t think that is professional but do we actually make a real effort to understand their pain and all? Most of us won’t, alright, I can assure you. So don’t lose it, my challenge to you is to always be able to put yourself in your patient’s shoes.

Because the pain, the anxiety, the fear are very real even though it’s not real to you, it’s real to them. So don’t lose it and you know, right now I’m in the midst of my 5th cycle of my chemotherapy. I can tell you it’s a terrible feeling. Chemotherapy is one of those things that you don’t wish even your enemies to go through because it’s just suffering, lousy feeling, throwing out, you don’t even know if you can retain your meals or not. Terrible feeling! And even with whatever little energy now I have, I try to reach out to other cancer patients because I truly understand what pain and suffering is like. But it’s kind of little too late and too little.

You guys have a bright future ahead of you with all the resource and energy, so I’m going to challenge you to go beyond your immediate patients. To understand that there are people out there who are truly in pain, truly in hardship. Don’t get the idea that only poor people suffer. It is not true. A lot of these poor people do not have much in the first place, they are easily contented. for all you know they are happier than you and me but there are out there, people who are suffering mentally, physically, hardship, emotionally, financially and so on and so forth, and they are real. We choose to ignore them or we just don’t want to know that they exist.

So do think about it alright, even as you go on to become professionals and dental surgeons and all. That you can reach out to these people who are in need. Whatever you do can make a large difference to them. I’m now at the receiving end so I know how it feels, someone who genuinely care for you, encourage and all. It makes a lot of difference to me. That’s what happens after treatment. I had a treatment recently, but I’ll leave this for another day. A lot of things happened along the way, that’s why I am still able to talk to you today.

I’ll just end of with this quote here, it’s from this book called Tuesdays with Morris, and some of you may have read it. Everyone knows that they are going to die; every one of us knows that. The truth is, none of us believe it because if we did, we will do things differently. When I faced death, when I had to, I stripped myself off all stuff totally and I focused only on what is essential. The irony is that a lot of times, only when we learn how to die then we learn how to live. I know it sounds very morbid for this morning but it’s the truth, this is what I’m going through.

Don’t let society tell you how to live. Don’t let the media tell you what you’re supposed to do. Those things happened to me. And I led this life thinking that these are going to bring me happiness. I hope that you will think about it and decide for yourself how you want to live your own life. Not according to what other people tell you to do, and you have to decide whether you want to serve yourself, whether you are going to make a difference in somebody else’s life. Because true happiness doesn’t come from serving yourself. I thought it was but it didn’t turn out that way. With that I thank you, if you have any questions you have for me, please feel free. Thank you.

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Of pride and prejudice

With the enhanced covid measures, I have had a little bit of time to do some self reflection lately. And I realized that there are areas in myself that I would really love to work on.


First of all, pride.


Well, most of my friends know me as that friendly, happy and easy going person. But deep inside me, I have pride issues. I feel that I am better than other people. Funnier, more incisive, wittier… This pride in me has led me to become impatient with people. I get frustrated when they don’t seem to get my point.


But then I realized, that I am not the smartest. Funniest. Nor the wittiest. There is so much knowlege and wisdom out in the world, that I have not even acquired 1% of it. I can’t be impatient with people who don’t get my point, but I should instead work on communicating my point across in a more efficient manner.


And sometimes, people just won’t get it. It is a part and parcel of life.
Due to my impatience and pride, I have been curt and impolite towards some people. If you are reading this and you have been rubbed the wrong way, I apologise. I am sorry.


Humility is something that doesn’t come naturally. It is a constant reminder that I need to submit to the most high God, and that I is a smaller word than Him.


Imagine if God has been curt towards me, for all the mistakes that I have made. I would truly be a sad and miserable person. Thank God for His grace, and I pray that I will be gracious towards others as well. 


Secondly, prejudice. 


I am a prejudiced person. I am prejudiced against people whom I think are not like me. They don’t share the same experiences and values.


For example, LGBT. Due to my faith, I don’t approve of the lifestyle and choice of sexual orientation. As a result, I do have certain assumptions and prejudices against this group of people.


And admittedly, while I do have a couple of friends who are homosexuals, I am not close to them at all. Nor do I make any real attempts to understand them better.


I am also prejudiced against people who hold different political ideologies to myself. I am a social capitalist. As a result, I hold certain assumptions about people who subscribe to a different political ideology. I think this is a major stumbling block to any discussions about economics and politics moving forward.


As an NLP practitioner, I would need to constantly ask myself this question, “Is it real, or am I making assumptions based on my values and beliefs?”


Of course, I would need to be proactive in asking for feedback, and be open to receiving feedback.


Life is a journey, and I am a willing traveller in this journey. There will be different experiences, some happy, some challenging, and some poignant.
But I believe, as long as we are committed to working on our blindspots, we will enjoy this journey. 

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Servant’s Heart (Part 3)

(If you have missed part 1 and part 2, please feel free to click on them.)

This is the conclusion to the 3 part series, of what God has been imprinting in my heart as we end the difficult year of 2020 and head into the new year of 2021.

Let’s recall the passage from John 13:

Jesus Washes the Disciples’ Feet

13 Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that His hour had come that He should depart from this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.

And [a]supper being ended, the devil having already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, to betray Him, Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come from God and was going to God, rose from supper and laid aside His garments, took a towel and girded Himself. After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded. Then He came to Simon Peter. And Peter said to Him, “Lord, are You washing my feet?”

Jesus answered and said to him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this.”

Peter said to Him, “You shall never wash my feet!”

Jesus answered him, “If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me.”

Simon Peter said to Him, “Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head!”

10 Jesus said to him, “He who is bathed needs only to wash his feet, but is completely clean; and you are clean, but not all of you.” 11 For He knew who would betray Him; therefore He said, “You are not all clean.”

12 So when He had washed their feet, taken His garments, and sat down again, He said to them, “Do you [b]know what I have done to you? 13 You call Me Teacher and Lord, and you say well, for so I am. 14 If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. 15 For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. 16 Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. 17 If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.

The final piece of having a servant’s heart is that it should point to Christ, and leading people to salvation.

Many years ago, I was at a certain crossroads in my life. At the age of 19, while serving in the army, I applied to Medicine as my first choice.

I really wanted to become a doctor.

Serving in the army meant that I wasn’t fully prepared for the interview to gain admission into medicine. I flunked the interview, and am now at a cross-roads of my life.

There were a few options available to me:

  1. I could try again next year, but the competition would be tougher (I scored an AAB for my A levels, and being able to get the interview meant I was already fortunate, as most people needed 4As just to even get the interview)
  2. I could apply to study medicine overseas, as my parents had set aside a sum of money for me to study medicine.
  3. I could go with my 2nd choice, which was pharmacy.

At that time, I was still a young Christian, and I felt that the Lord wanted me to be discipled and continued to grow in faith.

Being in a medical course meant that I would have had to sacrifice quite a bit of time (not that the pharmacy course is any easier, but medicine would have been one level up), and studying overseas meant that I would have to adjust and adapt to a new environment, and seek new spiritual mentors.

I decided to obey the still small voice in my heart and picked to study pharmacy.

You might be asking now, “Yuantai, what has this got to do with a servant’s heart, and salvation?”

A lot.

In the weeks and months after I made that fateful decision, I began to be actively involved in my ministry, helping out my leaders in reaching out to friends and giving bible studies to younger members in the faith.

I was able to do that under the close mentorship of one of my leaders in church, a dear brother called Patrick and later, another sister called Jielin. (Thank you, if you guys are reading this).

But most importantly, like Samuel, spending time in the House of God meant that I could grow spiritually, and little by little, my heart was shaped and the impurities in my life removed, one by one. (This is another story for another time.)

Someone said that you always count the dots backwards.

Remember the story of Joseph?

Gen 43:30

Now his heart yearned for his brother; so Joseph made haste and sought somewhere to weep. And he went into his chamber and wept there.

There was an “Aha” moment here, when Joseph finally connected the dots backwards and realized that God placed him through all the hardship for a specific moment in time like this.

It was only years later when I revisited that period of time in my life, that I connected the dots backwards and realized that having a servant’s heart will help us to lead others to salvation, and this is one of the key purposes of having a servant’s heart.

As you come to the end of the 3 part series, I want you to pause and start to reflect, if what you have been doing as your ministry, serving your family at home, your friends and colleagues at work and all the people that you come into contact with: does it help to lead them towards Christ, or push them away from Christ?

Sharing the gospel and the good news of salvation is the core bedrock of our faith. And out of the abundance of our heart, the rivers of living waters will flow.

I pray that the year 2021 will be a fruitful year for you.

Most importantly, this will be the year that you will grow closer with God, and walk with Him more.

How can we lead people to Christ through our work?

1. Don’t just preach it, but show it. Just as Jesus didn’t win His disciples by constantly just preaching the word, but by His actions of getting into the boat with His disciples, spending time with them and meeting their needs, we should also win the lost through our actions. This is even more relevant during difficult times, when we can demonstrate practical love through blessing people in words, thoughts and actions.

2. Say it, and mean it. The tongue has the power of life and death. One of my weakness has been controlling my tongue. I can be caustic and sarcastic with my words when I am stressed and angry. This is something that the Lord has shown me and death with, and I really thank God that He has given me grace and mercy to work on this area of weakness. Saying words like: thank you, sorry, I really appreciate you for your help, you can do it, won’t cost us an arm or a leg. But it can make the world of a difference to another person, and point him or her towards God.

3. Serve with gladness. Whether it is at home, towards our spouse or children, or at work, towards our bosses and colleague, or even in church, towards fellow church members, let’s serve with willingness and gladness. It is never easy serving people, and they will disappoint you.

All the time! But if we remain faithful towards the things that God has called us to do, He will bless us with much. And there is no better way to lead people to christ than demonstrating the true love of christ through service.

As I conclude this series, I pray that you will be moved to desire more of God each day. Let the year ahead be one of growing in the Lord, and pleasing him in all the things that we do and say. May the Lord bless you, and keep you. Amen.

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A servant’s heart (part 2)

Today’s message is a continuation of last week’s message, on a servant’s heart.

This is a message that God has placed in my heart, as we come to the end of year 2020, which has been really challenging for many, myself included. We continue from John 13.

JESUS WASHES THE DISCIPLES’ FEET

13 Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that His hour had come that He should depart from this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.

2 And [a]supper being ended, the devil having already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, to betray Him, 3 Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come from God and was going to God, 4 rose from supper and laid aside His garments, took a towel and girded Himself.

5 After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded. 6 Then He came to Simon Peter. And Peter said to Him, “Lord, are You washing my feet?”7 Jesus answered and said to him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this.”

8 Peter said to Him, “You shall never wash my feet!”

Jesus answered him, “If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me.”

9 Simon Peter said to Him, “Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head!”10 Jesus said to him, “He who is bathed needs only to wash his feet, but is completely clean; and you are clean, but not all of you.” 11 For He knew who would betray Him; therefore He said, “You are not all clean.”12 So when He had washed their feet, taken His garments, and sat down again, He said to them, “Do you [b]know what I have done to you? 13 You call Me Teacher and Lord, and you say well, for so I am. 14 If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet.

15 For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. 16 Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. 17 If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.

The second important point about having a servant’s heart, is that it comes from sonship with God.Yes, a son or a daughter.

In the verses in John 13, and in fact throughout the 4 gospels, we see the disciples growing and maturing, not just emotionally, but also spiritually. There was a journey from just being followers, to recognizing their special relationship with Jesus. Peter, as evidence in the start of this passage, didn’t fully understand the meaning of servanthood.

And this is a very common misconception that can only be addressed through a constant, close relationship and walk with Jesus. When Jesus girded himself, bent down with the towel and prepared to wash Peter’s feet, Peter responded, “You shall never wash my feet!”

How many times have we served someone, with the expectation that that person will appreciate our service, and perhaps return in kind? Or how many times have we been served by someone, only to feel a little “pai seh” and obliged to return this favour in kind? It is a very “Chinese” or even “Asian” thing. I know I have been. However, having a servant’s heart entails that we need to get a few things right:

  1. Understand fully that we are the sons and daughters of God, that nothing we do can ever add or subtract from the finished work on the cross that Jesus did.
  2. Believe that God has given each and everyone of us the capacity to serve and love like He did for us.
  3. Use our gifts and fruits to serve and love others in the Kingdom, so that His name will be magnified and glorified.

When I was a young Christian, I didn’t fully understand the concept of “sonship”. I believed that I can serve and love people out of my sheer willpower and might.And boy, was I wrong.If you are in an occupation that deals with people (which is almost all occupations), you will inevitably come into disappointment. This is because all of us are fallen; and this fallen nature of Man will always disappoint and let down.

However, if we are connected to the source, which is the Holy Spirit and to God, we will never, ever run dry. The Holy Spirit is like rivers of living water, refreshing us and giving us the means to continue to love people, even though it may be really difficult to do so. In my 17 years as a Christian, I have been through many mountains and valleys. And I thank God that He has shown me the goodness of His heart, and He is never too early, or too late. God is always on time.

Most importantly, God wants you and I to know that we are all His sons and daughters. Wouldn’t you want the very best for your children? Do they have to do anything to deserve your love and showers of blessing upon them? Likewise, as a servant of God, we have to first recognize that we are His sons and daughters. It is essential that we first build a close relationship with Him, so that we will not burn out when we serve Him.

Serving God may be physically and emotionally draining at times, but like the handphone battery, if we plug into God, He will always refresh and recharge us, so that we can find great joy and happiness even when serving Him.

If you are reading this, and are feeling burnt out either in ministry or in your work, I have a short prayer for you:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for loving us as Your sons and daughters. We know that it is not easy serving people sometimes, and people always disappoint. But God, You never let us down, nor let us go.

You are always there, walking beside us, carrying us when our legs are tired, protecting and providing for us.

I pray that You will refresh us with Your rivers of living water, that we may be filled again, and ready to serve and love the people you have placed in our lives.

I thank You from the bottom of my heart.

In Jesus’ name,

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A Servant’s Heart

As we come to the end of what has been a really tough year, I did some reflection. And recently, God has placed in my heart to meditate about a servant’s heart. What does it mean to have a servant’s heart?

How is it important to us now, and how will having a servant’s heart prepare us for the long road of recovery that lies ahead?

My anchor passage for this message is from John 13.

Jesus Washes the Disciples’ Feet

13 Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that His hour had come that He should depart from this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.

And [a]supper being ended, the devil having already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, to betray Him, Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come from God and was going to God, rose from supper and laid aside His garments, took a towel and girded Himself. After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded. Then He came to Simon Peter. And Peter said to Him, “Lord, are You washing my feet?”

Jesus answered and said to him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this.”

Peter said to Him, “You shall never wash my feet!”

Jesus answered him, “If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me.”

Simon Peter said to Him, “Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head!”

10 Jesus said to him, “He who is bathed needs only to wash his feet, but is completely clean; and you are clean, but not all of you.” 11 For He knew who would betray Him; therefore He said, “You are not all clean.”

12 So when He had washed their feet, taken His garments, and sat down again, He said to them, “Do you [b]know what I have done to you? 13 You call Me Teacher and Lord, and you say well, for so I am. 14 If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. 15 For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. 16 Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. 17 If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.

We all know that God sent Jesus, His Son, to die on the cross for all our sins. We also know that Jesus, at every important juncture of His life, had the choice to obey, or to disobey His Father’s voice.

But to truly believe and receive this, it takes a lifetime of journeying and walking to understand the true depth and magnitude of His agape love for us.

The first point that I would like to bring up, is that His love is sacrificial.

A servant’s heart has sacrificial love, not just towards his master, but to everyone around him.

We are all used to transactional relationships, in the areas of doing business or even in personal relationships. There is an unspoken rule that if I scratch your back, I expect you to scratch mine.

But let us look at what Jesus did, when He came before the disciples and washed His feet. This was significant for a few reasons:

  1. Washing the feet of anyone is reserved for the lowliest servant at that time. Jesus took on the lowliest job, as a sign of humility and a display of love for His disciples.
  2. Jesus wants to set a good example that His disciples could follow and learn from. He is the model of a true leader, of letting actions speak louder than words. And He got down on His feet, and got His hands dirty (literally).
  3. At this point of time, Jesus was fully aware that Judas would betray Him. (If I were Jesus, I would have poured the dirty water over Judas!) But yet, He did the same to Judas as to the rest of the disciples, because His love comes in spite of what we do. This is truly agape love.

As a life coach, my business is about serving people. And trust me, serving people is not the easiest thing to do. Covid and economic recession further made this much, much harder.

Like many others, my business was affected too, as people’s income suffered. And not just myself, but many of my friends. Some of whom have to close their businesses and pivot for good.

But one thing that I realized during this period of time is that we still need to love, serve and give as much as we can. Showing kindness and concern towards others, even if it is as simple as a phone call or a text message, is really important. And of course, spending time being present with not just our own family, but our friends and associates, really made the difference.

I understand that many of us may not be at the “sacrificial” love stage yet, at least maybe not towards people outside of our family. (Myself included.)

So what are some of the ways we can move towards being more sacrificial in our loving, and giving?

3 simple ways that I would suggest, to get started:

  1. Start small

No matter where we are, there is always something we can bless others with. When I first started out as an entrepreneur, I had nothing to give to others. I was earning 0 income, and did not have the relevant network.

But I realized that I had a strong, positive mindset that was willing to learn and adapt. I was also nifty with some digital marketing skills, which I willingly shared with those who did not know anything about digital marketing. I volunteered to host and emcee networking events, just to serve others and bring energy to the meetings.

I believe that you have something to give others too. God has placed certain talents in each and every one of us, and you need to bring out that talent and use it to bless others. It could be your bright personality, your beautiful smile, your wisdom…. or any specific artistic or technical know-how…

Use it to bless someone today!

2. Make it a habit to serve, and give

If you will serve someone’s needs, it is the first step to winning that person over. John C. Maxwell mentioned this in his book “Winning with people.”

And to know someone’s needs, you have to be observant to what that person is saying, and what he is not saying. If you can make it a point to put other’s needs before your own, very soon, you will find other people coming forward to offer help. And you will also attract helpful people to yourself.

3. Encourage others to serve and give too!

Once you have made doing #1 and #2 a habit, it is time for you to reach out, and encourage others to serve and give together with you.

Joy shared is joy doubled!

You may even start a movement, to inspire people to serve and give together with you.

#behelpfulbehappy

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Seed time. Harvest.

Many of us may be familiar with the principles of seed time and harvest, but how many of us actually apply it to our business too?

Yuantai and benny

Specifically, in the area of prospecting and trust generation?

I was in a coaching session today, and we were discussing about prospecting on social media, and the process of rapport building and trust generation.

When I first started using social media for prospecting, I fell into the most common mistake that rookies make: moving too fast and too furious.

People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.

And the process of generating prospects takes time. If you want to have a bountiful harvest next year, you need to start planting seeds now. You cannot expect a good harvest in future if you do not work hard, prepare the land and plant seeds now.

The reason most people suffer from a lean harvest now?

No prizes for guessing: the seeds are not planted 12 months ago!

As we head into the final stretch of the year (52 more days till end of 2020!), let us start planting seeds, in preparation of a bountiful harvest this time next year!

Agree?
#seedtime
#harvest

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The superpower of a coach

After coaching for over a year, I finally realized the one super power that successful coaches must have.

Would you like to guess what is it?

It is to be able to listen deeply.

Yes. God gave us two ears and one mouth, just so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.

When I first started out coaching, and in fact, even till now, I find myself being too eager to speak instead of hearing what the coachees have to say. And that has resulted in myself missing out on what the coachee is really saying sometimes. Or what he or she is not saying.

One year on, I have learnt to take a step back more. To “hold my tongue”. And listen deeply to what the coachee is trying to communicate.

The questions that run through my mind as I listen are, “What is the coachee really saying? What is he not saying? And why?”

And this has tremendously improved the quality of my coaching.

Would you agree that listening deeply is the most important superpower of a coach?

Why or why not?

Happy Coach and coachees
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The one big obstacle

Deep within the Happy Man, there are many unhappy areas. But there is one particular area, that stands out…

Would you like to guess?

No, it is not a lack of money, even though I would not mind more.

And no, not health issues, but some what related.

For my closest friends, you all already know the answer. For the rest, here it goes: my wife and I have been trying for a few years, but no children yet.

We got married in 18 Dec 2016, and today, she turns 3…something. But not young anymore. We don’t have much time left, and we both eagerly long and pray for a child.

There are lots of frustrations along the way. And each time her period comes, my heart bleeds too.

She did her checkup, she’s clear.

I did mine, I require a day op.

She tried her best, I felt that I didn’t try hard enough.

And now, I fully and perfectly understand the exact emotional trauma that couples like me go through. It is indeed really, really not easy.

On the surface, I am happy. But deep inside, there is always that niggling feeling, and questions of, “what if…”

Recently, I decided to take action, and we have been doing tcm treatment for a while now. I also joined some interest groups, and decided to connect with some community.

And I realized that it is a really more common problem than I initially thought.

While celebrating my wife’s birthday today, I would also like to use this chance to shout out to couples who may be going through a similar journey now.

I would deeply love to connect with you.

Meanwhile, I take heart and comfort that I am not walking this journey alone. There is my wife, my family and close friends. Most of all, I believe that God is also walking this journey with me.

So friends, if you know of someone who is struggling to conceive, please connect us.
If you are someone who is going through this journey, let’s connect. It is better to walk with support.

To my wife,
Thank you, and I am so blessed. Let’s believe for greater things to come, and that He is always in control.

I love you.

#behelpfulbehappy

#breakthrough

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happiest person on earth happiness happy helpfulness meditation

How can I become the “Happiest person in the world”?

I Googled, “Happiest person on the earth” , and this article turned up.

A 69 year old Tibetian monk from France is the happiest person on earth. But what I was really curious about was “how” and “why”.
Let’s start with the why.
Why is Matthieu Ricard so happy?
“To Ricard, the answer comes down to altruism. The reason is because thinking about yourself, and how to make things better for yourself all the time, is exhausting, stressful, and ultimately leads to unhappiness.
“It’s not the moral ground,” Ricard explained. “It’s simply that me, me, me all day long is very stuffy. And it’s quite miserable, because you instrumentalize the whole world as a threat, or as a potential sort of interest [to yourself].” 
One of the key reasons I feel, that Ricard is able to find true happiness within himself is that he constantly puts others before himself. This is not to say that he doesn’t take good care of himself, or serve others at the expense of himself. In fact, as a coach, one of the first things that we need to do is to ensure that we can swim well, before we jump into the water to save someone who is drowning. 
But Ricard looks beyond himself. He reminds me of the Apostle Paul, whose heart for his fellow Christians is evident in spite of the tremendous persecutions and sufferings that he has to go through. And at the heart of it, I believe that Ricard has found his sense of purpose. Both Apostle Paul and Ricard lives for something beyond themselves, and that has motivated and inspired them to be happy. 
Here’s a chance to stop, ponder and reflect upon our purpose. Why do you do what you do? 
Next, how did Ricard find happiness? 
Having a clear sense of purpose, Ricard is truly compassionate towards other people, and helps them on their way to true happiness. Apostle Paul spends a lot of time ministering to the needs of the people, praying, encouraging and helping them to grow in Christ. 
One of the ways they found happiness is in serving others. Offering practical help to people. In our line of work, or business, it is deeply rewarding if we can find meaning in what we do, beyond monetary reward. Monetary reward can be finite. But meaning moves deeper. In my framework of HAPPY, H stands for helpfulness. Being helpful is one of the powerful steps to being happy! 
The second way is to meditate. Meditation helped Ricard to be mindful, and this helped him to be happy. Similarly, Apostle Paul spends a lot of time reading the bible and praying. It is scientifically proven that those who pray and meditate find more peace and joy within. 
Set aside time to pray and meditate daily. 

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what is “Anti-fragility”?

What exactly is “Anti-fragility”?
More importantly, why does it matter?
When I hear of this phrase, I immediately thought that it has something to do with resilience and tenacity. But after reading the book “Anti-fragility” by Hassim Taleb, author of “Black Swan”, I realized that this is a very powerful concept, principle and mindset.
Anti-fragility is the concept that constant stresses and challenges in life is absolutely necessary for us to build resilience in our life, and make us stronger as a result. Using the analogy of the human body: we need to be constantly exposed to bacteria and viruses, and this is helpful in the long run as it helps our body to become stronger, and more immune.
How does all this matter at all?
Challenges in life is absolutely crucial to survival, and even allow us to thrive. I have heard people say that they wish to be able to take it easy. In fact, I often wish that I can take it easy too! Yes, even as the happy coach.
If we accept that life has challenges, and challenges are necessary, we won’t waste too much time complaining.
4 years ago, I took a leap of faith, and quit my pharmacy job to venture into entrepreneurship. 1 year into business, I was barely earning anything, and I complained. It was tough and brutal, and I really had second thoughts if I made the right decision. 
Then I realized that nobody owed me a living. Nobody owed me the right to succeed, but that I have to fight for this right. I felt that the one year of struggles internally made me grow up and mature much more than the 7 years I spent in my comfort zone. 
No pain, no gain. Our response to pain is also crucial, to how much we can get out of it. Every “failure” is a lesson learnt, on the areas of weakness that we need to work on. 
Get better, and not get bitter.